7 things I quit to reduce anxiety
My Anxiety Journey
For the past 15+ years, I’ve walked the walk with anxiety. Anxiety and I are good friends at this point, but it was NOT always this way. It’s also been over seven years that I’ve diagnosed and treated anxiety disorders as a licensed mental health professional. You could say anxiety is every bit a part of my everyday life, both personally and professionally.
Lately, I’ve become the “chill” friend, and the people closest to me have also noticed this change. I became a baby mom last year, and the pre-anxiety (yes, anxiety about possible future anxiety… trust me, I’m in the big leagues of anxiety) about having my daughter felt intense. After my daughter was born, I (thankfully!) didn’t experience the anxiety I feared so much during my pregnancy.
And I’ve tried it all. When it comes to anxiety, I’ve read about, tried, and will try just about anything… therapy and counseling (they work for me, going on 12 years), medication, not to be confused with meditation (also tried, and love when I can stick to it), journaling, breath-work, supplements, prayer, spiritual-healing (I shared that story in The Club!), and MANY other anxiety remedies, some of which I’ll share here in this post. Being ten months postpartum, I am wildly delighted that my anxiety is at the lowest it’s ever been. I feel free to be present with my daughter and (mostly) stress and worry free.
Over the past three years, I can feel a drastic change in my day to day mood and experience with anxiety — something I’ve struggled with since high school. And I didn’t add anything to my self-care, because who has time for that anyway? Instead, I GAVE UP a few things. It’s not always about doing more. I want to be transparent that my anxiety journey hasn’t been an overnight “success” story, for lack of a better metaphor (as if mental health and healing could ever be an overnight process)! I want to peel back the curtain, as a professional counselor who works with anxiety disorders almost exclusively, on what I’ve done to reduce anxiety (and stress) in my life and what has really made all the difference and lived up to the hype.
I want to note that everyone’s mental health journey is different. I’ve met with 1000s of people who experience anxiety, and no anxiety journey nor anxiety symptoms have ever presented the same. We all have unique stories, backgrounds, experiences, and journeys. Regardless, I’m sharing what has worked for me over the past few years, as someone who has lived it and also studies and treats anxiety in a clinical setting on a daily basis.
1. Caffeine
I have to start with this anxiety buster because it made me go viral on both TikTok and Instagram when I shared that I quit drinking caffeine (completely!) to help reduce my anxiety. I’ll admit that I’m not quite sharing the full story on TikTok and IG… because I didn’t quit caffeine in the past few years… I’ve rarely, if ever, drank caffeine because of anxiety. I can’t stand the smell of coffee or tea, and sodas taste disgusting to me.
Stimulants like caffeine can worsen anxiety for some by increasing heart rate, disturbing sleep and rest, releasing cortisol, and a number of other physiological reactions.
In addition to no caffeine, I’ve also shifted my diet significantly to avoid processed foods and sugar — both of which impact your gut health and hormones. Anxiety is highly linked to the gut — look up the gut-brain connection to see all the impacts. I’m sure I’ll write more on this soon. I believe our body speaks to us and many anxiety issues can be linked to dysregulation in the body, often resulting from poor nutrition, gut health, caffeine intake, and other substances. I need to mention here that I’ve had clients, who experience high levels of anxiety, i.e. nervous system dyregulation, quit drinking energy drinks and see improvement in their symptoms in a few short weeks. It’s not a one-size-fits-all strategy, but drinking more water, less caffeine, and improving your diet and gut health can be a priceless and free option to improving your mental health and overall wellbeing. If you’re reading this, go fill up a cup of water! Give caffeine free a try for 21 days and see how you feel.
2. Not Having a Social Media Mission/TikTok
The one may come as a surprise, but it may not be a surprise if you’ve followed me on TikTok for any amount of time. Deleting TikTok has been one of the largest ways I reduced anxiety over the past year since becoming a baby mom. At nine months pregnant, and 50K followers, I “quit” TikTok entirely and am currently 10 months sober (from TikTok). TikTok was an addiction for me — both creating and scrolling. I’m forever thankful for advice from Chalene Johnson’s instagram about being a parent — specifically how you only get the opportunitiy to parent your kids through each season of life once, and it goes fast. Chalene has two adult children, and I enjoy most of what she has to share on Instagram and her podcast. It felt like a God-wink that she shared this about parenting when I was nine months pregnant with my first baby. Her encouragement was that everything else can wait. I deleted TikTok the following afternoon. After deleting TikTok, I’ve never missed it even once. I’ve debated joining again to create, but the pros don’t outweigh the cons for me anymore.
If your social media usage feels out of control and if I had to make one suggestion about doom scrolling, I’d recommend creating a social media mission statement. I show you how to do so over on the linked blog post. If you don’t have a strong “why” and purpose for being on social media, if you feel drained by doom scrolling and comparison, go read that post. I’ve been more consistent with my social media mission and believe it’s truly transformed my anxiety and stress levels being off TikTok and setting firm boundaries with Instagram. I’m not currently on any other social media.
3. Worrying About Others Opinions
Several years ago my counselor recommended a homework assignment. “I want you to go home and write a list of all the people whose opinions matter.” At the time, I was struggling with worry and panic about other’s opinions. I worried about what anyone and everyone thought of me. These thought patterns created severe anxiety, avoidance, shut down, and relationship issues. I felt drained and lost.
I came back the following week with a full notebook page on “People Whose Opinions Matter” — everyone from my parents, to my boss, to my boss’s boss, to my landlord (okay, probably not my landlord, but you get the picture, it was a long list). By the end of session, I realized I’d epically failed the assignment. My counselor took my huge notebook page and ripped off a small corner of the paper, about half the size of a standard business card. “I want the list to fit on this,” she said, holding up the small shred of paper. “And you’re going to keep this in your wallet.” Well dang.
What I realized during this season of my anxiety journey was that there are very few people whose opinions actually matter. My list now consists of about three people, and God. I care about what God thinks. Letting go of others opinions significantly reduced my anxiety. If I worry about something now, or those old anxious thoughts I creep in, I remind myself, “Their opinion doesn’t get a say in my mental space. They’re not on the list.”
4. People Pleasing
Similar to quitting worrying about other’s opinions, I quit people pleasing and my anxiety dramatically improved. People pleasing does wacky things with anxiety. I can say this both as a professional, but mainly as a recovering people-pleaser since birth.
People pleasing can come from many different underlying reasons — from a need for approval and validation, to low self-esteem, poor boundaries, conflict avoidance, trauma, need for external affirmation, social conditioning (i.e. Southern “Good Girl” conditioning), and ultimately, when we people please, we’re putting another’s needs before our own, and not in a generous, “acts of service” way. People pleasing is often to the detriment of both ourself and our self-worth and to the detriment of the other person (i.e. not setting appropriate boundaries, co-dependency, etc). When asking, “Am I people pleasing or am I being kind and loving?” we should always look to the motive. If the motive is any of the above mentioned list (needing approval, poor boundaries, social conditioning, avoiding conflict, worry about affirmation or “making someone mad if I say no”, etc.), nine times out of ten it’s most likely sneaky people pleasing.
To quit people pleasing, I first became aware of this conditioned pattern. I became aware of the internal distress, motivations, and patterns that led to people pleasing. I examined the “why” behind this behavior, ultimately it was a coping mechanism related to low self-esteem, trauma, a need for validation from others, low self-trust, and a sprinkle of Southern “Good Girl” conditioning. It’s safe to say the people pleaser bug got me good from birth. BUT that’s not an excuse to not become aware of the pattern. The therapeutic process helped immensely with this inner work that helped me quit my people pleasing ways. Noticeably, my anxiety decreased when I became more aware and changed these patterns. It took a lot of time, don’t get me wrong.
5. Procrastinating Sleep
Almost every client I’ve ever worked with mentions sleep struggles related to anxiety, worry, overthinking, and fear. Have you ever felt exhausted, but can’t sleep? Oftentimes, individuals who struggle with anxiety will also revenge scroll, or stay awake despite exhaustion, as a way to avoid the responsibilities that are inevitably coming in the morning. This pattern of poor sleep hygiene can lead to worsened anxiety and overall mental health.
Now this isn’t a post about what I started to improve my anxiety, it’s about what I quit, but I’ll give you some tips for what I did to improve my sleep and stop procrastinating bedtime. I’m sure I’ll write several other blog posts on sleep soon because it’s KEY for mental health and wellness.
First, I started mouth taping every night. Yes, you heard me right, and my Southern mama’s going to say, “Girl why are you putting those intimate details on the internet?” But alas, here we are — talking about my mouth taping. I’m sharing this with you because it’s also been life changing for others who I’ve shared this habit with. There are several ways in which mouth taping is believed to help with sleep and, indirectly, anxiety:
Promoting Nasal Breathing: Breathing through the nose has benefits, including filtering and humidifying the air, as well as promoting the release of nitric oxide. This helps with breathing, which helps with regulation of emotions and anxiety. There’s a well researched link between breath work and nervous system regulation.
Preventing Mouth Dryness: Mouth breathing during sleep can contribute to a dry mouth. This was one of the primary symptoms I had that made me realize I was mouth breathing at nighttime.
Enhancing Oxygenation: Nasal breathing is thought to be more efficient in terms of oxygen exchange compared to mouth breathing. By improving oxygenation, we impact overall health and sleep quality. Again, related to nervous system regulation and breath work.
Reducing Snoring: Some people believe that mouth taping can help reduce or eliminate snoring by encouraging proper tongue posture and jaw alignment. As someone who experiences anxiety, my jaw is always tight! Pause for me — are you clenching your jaw right now reading this?? Mouth taping has helped alleviate my jaw pain hugely.
The research on mouth taping is limited. There's even less direct evidence to support the claim that mouth taping can alleviate anxiety. However, I’ve noticed a difference enough that I continue to sleep with my mouth taped every night.
Other ways I’ve improved my sleep:
Established a regular sleep schedule: I go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday. Having a baby also forced this issue… ha!
Created a bedtime routine that I look forward to, including NO social media or screens before bed.
Invested in a comfy mattress and blankets, and black out curtains.
Diet and exercise also help with sleep. I focused on these two areas, and my sleep improved.
Reduced my sugar intake in the afternoon.
Added a humidifier to the room.
6. Journaling Without a Plan
Journaling is something I didn’t understand fully and scoffed at for a long time. When I started diving deep into nervous system regulation, co-regulation, and cognitive restructuring, all “popular” therapy topics lately, I kept coming across the benefits of writing things down with old fashioned pen and paper. Trust me, I’ve tried every single journal out there. Every method, every “new thing.” I’ve tried “brain dumping” where you free flow and get everything out. I’ve tried expensive mental health journals with a “proven 927 step system to bust your anxiety.” Didn’t work. Waste of money.
Until… I found Future Self Journaling (FSJ) from Dr. Nicole LePara. I’ve been Future Self Journaling for several years now, and I love and recommend it for several reasons. Primarily, according to Dr. LePara, Future Self Journaling “allows you to start becoming conscious. The more consistently you use this pattern of journaling, the more your consciousness will expand. It’s in this expanded consciousness state, where you find the ultimate empowerment: choice in response.” Becoming conscious of your unconscious thoughts and patterns leads to change, or more accurately, choice to change. You can’t change something you’re not aware of.
I love this method of journaling for it’s ease and accessibility. You can buy any old journal or notebook you want. Heck, you could use the back of a Chipotle napkin to complete this journaling method. It’s also quick! Because face it, we’re all busy! All you need is 5-10 minutes everyday to complete the FREE prompts. They can be found on her website as a download. Dr. Nicole allows you to share and repurpose her content, so I’ll share the journal prompts here. BUT I encourage you to subscribe to her email and check out this blog post on her website. She emails out a full FSJ intro and FAQs for those who are new to FSJ.
Here are the Steps (copied from Dr. Nicole LePara’s website):
Step 1: Self Awareness
Go through some examples below:
1. What behavior or pattern do I want to change? Focus on ONE.
“I want to stop becoming defensive in my day to day interactions”
2. Write affirmations or statements that will help you achieve this. Let these flow naturally. Do not overthink this:
“I am able to hear other perspectives.” “I am calm” “I create space between my reaction” “I am safe within my body”
3. Write how you will be able to practice these new behaviors in daily life:
“I will practice observing the feelings and thoughts that come up rather than habitually reacting when interacting with my family.”
After you’re finished Step 1, you don’t need to complete again for at least 30 days or until you successfully see change. Then you can start working on a new pattern. You will now go onto Step 2.
Step 2: I will go over examples below:
My daily affirmation:
I am calm and peaceful. I am able to observe and not react
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
Habitually reacting to situations when facing an emotional trigger
I am grateful for:
The opportunity to become a different version of myself. My pets, my family, the ability to create, my favorite hiking trail
The person I am becoming will experience more:
Joy, gratitude, abundance, and ability to live in the present moment
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
Pause and listen rather than react
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
Confident, fulfilled, proud of my healing
7. Nervous System Activating Media & Content
Okay, this one seems odd, but hear me out. It’s one of the first recommendations I make to clients experiencing anxiety.
True crime. Action films. Suspense and horror. The news. I quit them all.
True crime and suspense movies are designed to elicit emotional responses… most often FEAR, nervousness, anticipation, and anxiety. These genres often rely on suspenseful storytelling, creating uncertainty and unpredictability for watchers and listeners. The brain's natural response to uncertainty can trigger the release of stress hormones like cortisol, activating the body's fight-or-flight response. Really!!
Other areas this type of media and content can impact:
The Amygdalda: Leading to heightened emotional responses and a sense of alertness.
Sympathetic Nervous System Activation: Responsible for the body's fight-or-flight response and can result in increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and heightened alertness.
Empathy and Mirror Neurons: The activation of mirror neurons can contribute to a shared emotional experience. Witnessing fear or danger on screen may evoke similar emotional responses in the viewer.
Arousal of the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) Axis: A key component of the body's stress response, leading to the release of stress hormones and physiological changes associated with anxiety.
Do I have your attention now? It’s important to note that while some may enjoy the thrill and excitement of nervous system activating content and media, others may find it overwhelming or anxiety-inducing. For those who are already prone to anxiety, or experiencing anxiety symptoms and unsure why, this kind of media and content might be contributing to more anxiety! Maybe it’s something you’ve never considered, by the types of media inputs you’re conditioned to impact your brain, body, and mental health.
So as you can see, I’ve quit a lot of things in the effort to reduce anxiety. All of these things I’ve come to enjoy, and for the things I quit, I hardly miss them at all. I’m loving the way I feel right now and I’ll continue to share my journey (what works and what doesn’t) because it is, in fact, a JOURNEY. Enjoy and let me know if you have any questions about any of these topics.
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Read me if social media is stressing you out
002. Read me for more ways to reduce anxiety (life systems)!
003. Read me when you feel scared to say “NO” + people pleasing feels easier
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Although I’m a mental health professional, no content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies or treatment recommendations.
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