for the one who doesn’t fit in
Have you ever felt like you didn't fit in?
Same.
I recently read about an op-ed piece by British activist George Monbiot in which he wrote:
“To be at peace with a troubled world: this is not a reasonable aim… If you don't fit in, if you feel at odds with the world, if your identity is troubled and frayed, if you feel lost and ashamed it could be because you have retained the human values you were supposed to have discarded. You are a deviant. Be proud.”
Anxiety feels like this to me.
I often say that I feel anxious because I'm paying attention.
I feel anxious because I don't fit in.
I feel anxious because I feel at odds with many things that the world values.
I feel anxious because my values are at odds with the values I think I “should” have or was taught.
Definition of a “deviant”:
a person departing from usual or accepted standards
Monbiot says to, “Be proud.”
Be proud of being a deviant. Wow, my people pleaser tendencies do not like this at all.
Perspective Shift:
What anxiety communicates to me, in a very helpful way I might add, is:
“This thing isn't right about the world. No wonder you feel stomach butterflies about it!"
“This situation feels wrong. Beware."
“You don't fit in here. This is bumping up against your values. Watch out. Leave."
Friend, we're not meant to feel at peace with trouble.
We're not meant to feel at peace in a draining relationship or environment.
We're not meant to feel at peace in an unsafe situation.
We're not meant to feel at peace when everything around us is wrong.
Hence, anxiety. Warning.
To my lovely (recovering) people pleasers (myself included), please take note that maybe you don't fit in because you simply value things that other people do not.
A final word on being a deviant:
Did you know that in tribal communities, members of the society who experienced anxiety were highly valued? Even cherished. But why? Because when danger loomed – like a bear approaching or pack of wolves or neighboring, hostile people group – most of the tribe was sound asleep. But… do you know what the anxious bunnies were doing? We were the ones saying, “Did you hear that?? I swear I heard something!" or “I think something bad's going to happen. I have a feeling." or “Maybe I should keep watch for protection.” or “Maybe we should create a wall or some traps or an alert system.” (Yes this totally would have been me!)
These members of society were highly praised and valued for having a "6th sense"… they protected the community… they spoke out… they were aware… they were deviants.
A reminder that there's no need to fit in. Maybe we're the ones who are paying attention. Maybe we're the ones saying, “Watch out. There's another way. I've got your back.”
You are needed. You belong. You matter.
Be proud.
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Listen to this podcast interview if you want to get organized (with your time + priorities)
002. Read me if you're struggling with anxiety
003. Read me when you feel scared to say “NO” + people pleasing feels easier
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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