resources to improve negative self-talk
One sneaky thing that might be impacting your mental health and well-being is the way you talk to yourself on a daily basis. Whether you've recognized this tendency before or it's a novel concept, reflecting on your inner voice, self-talk, or inner critic is crucial for the anxiety journey. I once had a client who humorously referred to her self-talk as her "inner mean girl."
What we’re discussing today, negative self-talk, refers to the habit of engaging in pessimistic or self-critical thoughts about oneself. It involves your internal dialogue or narrative that we all have within our minds. Often this negative voice is where we may focus on our perceived flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. This negative self-talk can absolutely contribute to anxiety.
What Creates Negative Self-Talk?
Cognitive Distortions: People often have cognitive distortions, which are irrational or biased thought patterns. Examples include catastrophizing (expecting the worst), black-and-white thinking (seeing situations as all good or all bad), and personalization (blaming oneself for external events).
Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem are more prone to negative self-talk. They may have a distorted view of themselves and tend to focus on their perceived failures rather than their strengths. When we’re highly focused on the negative, this becomes the operational lens of our life. Our “go-to” will be a negative, rather than a positive about ourself.
Past Experiences: Negative experiences from the past, such as traumatic events or repeated criticism, can contribute to the development of negative self-talk patterns. A traumatic event could also include a history of bullying in childhood or adolescence. The words our mentors, parents, coaches, families, bullies, etc. speak over us can become our own inner dialogue with which we speak to ourselves.
Social Comparisons: Constantly comparing oneself to others, especially in a negative light, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and contribute to negative self-talk. “I’m not good enough.” “I’m ugly.” etc.
Self-Talk and Anxiety
There are several ways in which negative self-talk impacts mental health and exacerbates anxiety:
Increased Stress: Negative self-talk often involves worry, self-doubt, and fear. This constant stream of negative thoughts can elevate stress levels and contribute to anxiety.
Perpetuates Negative Thought Patterns: Engaging in negative self-talk reinforces negative thought patterns, making it more likely that individuals will interpret situations in a negative light.
Impaired Problem-Solving: Negative self-talk can impair one's ability to problem-solve and cope with challenges. It may lead to a focus on problems rather than solutions.
Social Anxiety: Constant self-criticism can contribute to social anxiety by creating a fear of judgment and rejection from others. It can impair intimacy relationships and attachment to others.
What Can Help
Addressing negative self-talk is an essential component of managing anxiety. This may involve:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, replacing them with more balanced and realistic thoughts.
Positive Affirmations: Encouraging positive self-talk through affirmations can help shift focus towards one's strengths and achievements. I recommend writing them down, daily! (See Journal Prompts below.)
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices that promote mindfulness can help individuals observe their thoughts without judgment, reducing the impact of negative self-talk.
Self-Compassion: Developing self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, rather than harsh self-criticism.
It's important to note that seeking professional help from a mental health professional can provide personalized strategies for addressing negative self-talk and anxiety. Next we’ll dive into more resources for negative self-talk.
Journaling Prompts
I’ve been Future Self Journaling for several years now, and I love and recommend it for several reasons to help with negative self-talk and anxious thoughts. Primarily, according to Dr. Nicole LePera, Future Self Journaling “allows you to start becoming conscious. The more consistently you use this pattern of journaling, the more your consciousness will expand. It’s in this expanded consciousness state, where you find the ultimate empowerment: choice in response.” Becoming conscious of your unconscious thoughts, self-talk, and patterns leads to change, or more accurately, choice to change. You can’t change something you’re not aware of.
I love this method of journaling for it’s ease and accessibility. You can buy any old journal or notebook you want. Heck, you could use the back of a Chipotle napkin to complete this journaling method. It’s also quick! Because face it, we’re all busy! All you need is 5-10 minutes everyday to complete the FREE prompts. I’ll share the journal prompts here. BUT I encourage you to subscribe to Dr. LePera’s email and check out this blog post on her website. She emails out a full FSJ intro and FAQs for those who are new to FSJ.
Here are the Steps (copied from Dr. Nicole LePera’s website):
Step 1: Self Awareness
Go through some examples below:
1. What behavior or pattern do I want to change? Focus on ONE.
“I want to stop becoming defensive in my day to day interactions”
2. Write affirmations or statements that will help you achieve this. Let these flow naturally. Do not overthink this:
“I am able to hear other perspectives.” “I am calm” “I create space between my reaction” “I am safe within my body”
3. Write how you will be able to practice these new behaviors in daily life:
“I will practice observing the feelings and thoughts that come up rather than habitually reacting when interacting with my family.”
After you’re finished Step 1, you don’t need to complete again for at least 30 days or until you successfully see change. Then you can start working on a new pattern. You will now go onto Step 2.
Step 2: I will go over examples below:
My daily affirmation:
I am calm and peaceful. I am able to observe and not react
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
Habitually reacting to situations when facing an emotional trigger
I am grateful for:
The opportunity to become a different version of myself. My pets, my family, the ability to create, my favorite hiking trail
The person I am becoming will experience more:
Joy, gratitude, abundance, and ability to live in the present moment
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
Pause and listen rather than react
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
Confident, fulfilled, proud of my healing
Book Recs
I recommend several books for anxiety and personal development over on this post. For improving negative self-talk, I recommend these books. Don’t allow yourself to get overwhelmed, so much so that you never get started! Read just 10 pages in the morning or at night as a part of your daily self-care practice.
Don't Believe Everything You Think
Workbooks
If you’re looking for more support and guidance than a book can provide, a therapeutic workbook is a great option to supplement your reading and therapy work.
The Growth Mindset Workbook - would start with this one!
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
Podcast Episode
I've heard about this podcast, the Mindset Mentor. This episode might be worth a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCVxA20Qfsk
That’s it! Several resource I recommend for improving negative self-talk. A reminder that mental health, anxiety, and self-talk are a journey toward improvement and healing. The journey takes time, consistency, and grace. Be mindful of your negative self-talk along the journey. You might think, “I’m so messed up, this will take forever” or “I’m going to be this way forever.” Begin shifting your self-talk to include being gentler and kinder to yourself. Instead, reframe your negative thought. An example, “I will have patience for myself on the journey” and “Day by day I’m making progress and doing good things for myself.”
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Read me if you need help vision casting personally OR relationally
002. Read me if you're struggling with anxiety
003. Read me when you feel too stressed to delegate (but know you need to!)
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Although I’m a mental health professional, no content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies or treatment recommendations.
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