read me if you “have” anxiety

Jan 16

I quit saying “I have anxiety” several years ago.

I came to learn, from my therapist husband, that “words matter”. The way we speak to ourselves matters. The words we allow into our space, our minds, our hearts - they matter.

As I learned this, that words matter, I was also learning that language gives way to meaning. A word that we pick up somewhere, some place, has the power to change every thread of our being if we allow it or, if it goes unnoticed, to seep into the recesses of our mind and the depths of our heart and take root there.

This is great news when the words and language are filled with positive, encouraging messages.

This is equally devastating when the words are harmful. Dangerous. Because there are harmful, dangerous words. Very dangerous words.

Words become phrases, which become sentences, which become thoughts, which (when not examined or questioned) become language and self-talk, which become your identity (the way you see yourself and describe yourself). And your identity and how you see yourself becomes the way that you interact with yourself, others, and the world around you. The way that you interact with yourself becomes your life, your habits, your last thoughts before you go to sleep at night.

Words matter.

And so, back to the beginning, I quit saying, “I have anxiety.”

A phrase that had become a sentence, a short sentence, seemingly innocent, that I repeated over and over and over. “I have anxiety.” The sentence became a thought and then self-talk. It began to take over, take root in my mind and my heart.

“I can’t because I have anxiety.”
“No, that won’t work. I have anxiety.”
“I’m a mess. I have anxiety.”
“I could never… I have anxiety.”

The self-talk became more negative, sinister, foreboding. And the self-talk eventually became an identity. “I have anxiety.” “It is something I have. It will not go away. It is who I am.”

Until… I began to question one word.

Not “I” and not “anxiety.” Those words were fine as they were. The one word that shifted everything in my existence and anxiety journey was “have”.

Have? Yes, “have.”

It’s a dangerous word, have.

So what do you say? People ask.

Whatever you want. But for me, I now say and think, “I’m experiencing anxiety right now” or “I’m feeling anxious in my chest” or “Anxiety is the worst” or “I wish I wasn’t feeling anxious” or “I’m going to do this despite the anxiety.”

Anxiety is not something I have.
Anxiety is something I experience.

Some days more than others.

Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?

Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:

001. Read me if you want coping skills

002. Read me if you're struggling with anxiety

003. Read me when you feel too stressed to delegate (but know you need to!)

004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Although I’m a mental health professional, no content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies or treatment recommendations.