NO
“NO.” is the shortest sentence in the English language. But so many of us have such trouble saying this sentence.
“NO” is a complete sentence all by itself.
No.
Why do I struggle with this sentence so much? For one, I grew up in a culture where politeness is very important. Hello, Southern USA. Have you heard of Southern Hospitality? The kindest and nicest girls never say anything so rude as “NO." Where I grew up, politeness was a value, a must.
In a nutshell, “NO” feels aggressive. “NO” feels rude. “NO” feels intense.
Now there are a few things about saying “NO” that I want to address:
“NO” is okay all on it's own.
As a polite, kind, people pleasing person, I want to assure you that “NO” is not rude. Saying “NO” is okay all on it's own. I give you permission to not have to justify your no's.
For example, this response is perfectly acceptable:
That Person Asks: “Can you do [this thing you don't want to do] for me tomorrow?”
You: “No. That's not going to work for me.”
To practice getting comfortable with “NO”, you can try saying no in these situations:
A waitress asks if you want water with your meal (or extra sauce, or whatever) - “NO, thank you.”
A friend/parent/someone asks to FaceTime with you at a time that isn't convenient - “NO, that time doesn't work for me. How about [another time that does work]?"
Someone invites you to hang out but it's not a good night for you - “NO, tonight will not work for me. It means so much to me that you thought of me.”
Someone tries to up-sell you or get to purchase something - “NO, I'm not interested right now. I will let you know if/when I am.”
You don't always have to reject someone with a “NO” but you can offer other solutions or set clear expectations.
A friend asks you to dinner (but they always cancel or bail) - “Dinner doesn't work for me right now, but how about a short walk together on Saturday at 10AM?”
Your boss asks you to complete an extra task and you know you'll need a longer deadline - “I appreciate you thinking of me for this task. If you'd like for me to prioritize this, can we discuss what else I can take off my plate?"
Someone asks to call or FaceTime to catch up, but you don't have time today - “Can I call you tomorrow afternoon? I'll have about 20 minutes to chat.”
Steve Jobs said, “It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”
Practice saying “NO” starting with small things. It will make it easier to say “NO” in other situations. Also expect that some people will not like you saying, “NO." This doesn't mean you are rude. When others come to expect that we will say “yes” it can take time to create new patterns/boundaries in the relationship.
Most of us struggle with saying “NO” but the important thing to remember is that “NO” is not rude. When you say “NO” to some things, you are saying “YES” to the things that matter most to you.