JOMO: joy of missing out

As I sit at home today with my 10 month old, I have this thought, “Man, it would be tough for an extrovert to be a stay at home parent!” Extroverts, let me know if this is the truth? Truth is, I’m as introverted as they come, so the sitting-at-home with a baby and my dog, Moose, neither of whom speak any English, is my idea of a great Tuesday afternoon. It’s a new look for me, though, being a baby mom and being home part-time. In the past, I’d leave the house at 8am not to return until 9pm.

All of this got me thinking about the concept of FOMO. When God created me, he left out the FOMO sprinkles. I have never in my life experienced FOMO. Instead, I feel JOMO — joy of missing out. Throwing a party and I can’t make it? Bummmer. Everyone was there? Too bad I misssssed it. I also understand FOMO is a real thing for many, so let’s chat about it.

JOMO as a 20-something

I absolutely love working with teens, young adults, and college students in therapy because their journey is just getting started as emerging adults. Several younger clients have shared about their experiences of FOMO, especially as it relates to social media. For these individuals, FOMO creates a lot of anxiety. As a millennial who’s never had SnapChat and only had Myspace and Facebook as a younger adult, I study today’s young adults and their always-connected-world like an alien would study human behaviors. Their ecosystems of socialization are other-worldly to me.

I learn the most from one of my supervisees who’s 23. She is my anthropological guide to understanding youth culture. (Gosh I sound old.) Often we talk about Snapchat, social media, “shared locations” (news to me that we’re doing this but okay), and the ever-connected lifestyle of young adults.

On a positive note, we discuss, feeling connected and part of something larger than yourself can be powerful for mental health. But on a negative side, a lot of 20-somethings feel intense FOMO, comparison, and aren’t able to disconnect fully without feeling guilt, left out, irrelevant, and other negative emotions.

Bringing JOMO Into Your Own Life

You can develop JOMO in your life, even in the connected world we live in. In a day in age where we have so many opportunities, the fear of missing out on a relationship, opportunity, etc. can feel paralyzing. I’ve learned from older, wiser mentors approachable ways to go against the grain and enjoy a simpler, more disconnected lifestyle. And I’m still connected to my Instagram almost everyday. One of my favorite tips is unfollowing accounts, even friends, that cause you to feel FOMO. The younger gen have shared with me that this is challenging on SnapChat and Find My Friends (is that what it’s called?), but social media boundaries are a MUST for developing JOMO. It’s good to be mindful of the inputs you surround yourself with online and to filter them through how they make you feel — connected vs. disconnected, content vs. disconnect, competition vs. inspiration, etc. To summarize with one short statement: “You choose what you surround yourself with.”

Embracing JOMO

When talking about JOMO and FOMO, I believe it’s best to have mentors and examples of others who are going against the grain. Those who enjoy missing out. Otherwise, we believe the lie that everyone is doing something and we’re the only one missing out. Also an example of black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking. I’m missing out and everyone else is having a good time/moving ahead in life/in a happy relationship/at the party/spending their money on travel all the time/etc. Comparison is the thief of joy.

One example of JOMO is my stepdaughter who as a sophomore in high school is the only one of of her friends to not have social media. Most high schoolers don’t even know this is an option for them. In this way, my stepdaughter is going against the grain and protecting herself from many negative impacts of social media. Did you know that most studies on the negative mental health impacts of social media find that teenage girls are the group most negatively impacted? Why is my stepdaughter considered an outlier for not having social media? She’s embracing JOMO.

Do you struggle with FOMO? Have you ever heard of JOMO? It might be something to ponder, journal about, or process with your counselor.

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001. Read me if social media is stressing you out

002. Read me for more ways to reduce anxiety (life systems)!

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Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Although I’m a mental health professional, no content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies or treatment recommendations.