why do I feel irritable?
When I feel anxious, I often also feel irritable, agitated, down-right annoyed.
This comes as no surprise to my husband, RJ, who's typically the first to hear all about my frustration and irritability. His typical response, “Are you sure you're not just feeling stressed? Anxious?" Irritability is a clear sign that I'm stressed or maxed out. Patience is not my strong suit.
A few days ago, I felt so irritated over a minor inconvenience. I was driving across Barrett Parkway, trying to find a FedEx. Who ever has to find a FedEx these days? Driving under 75, I drove into the wrong lane and made two turns before I could figure out where the FedEx was. Minor, right? Wrong. My head was screaming. “What. the. actual. hell?! Why is this so difficult?! Barrett Parkway is the literal, soul-sucking worst. This is my nightmare. There should be FedEx's in more convenient locations. Why is this always happening to me. Etc.” My mind was a frustrated mess. Not cute.
What's even worse is when people begin to irritate me. Especially well meaning people, people who I care for and love, people who don't deserve my irritability.
Irritability is a natural frenemy of anxiety. When your mind is full of worry, your body is on edge, and your stress levels are high, energy is depleted. It makes it difficult to shrug things off or move on. We're quicker to anger. Buzzy. Frustrated. On edge.
For me, anger and irritability are the worst of the anxiety symptoms. I can take most of the others, but I don't like feeling angry. Sometimes, irritability is a sign for me to notice that something's off. The sign says, “You need to slow your roll, sister.” (how my inner voice speaks to me. always in a southern accent.)
Now here's the thing, irritability can be a sign. It can also be an invitation for patience, space, breath, mindfulness. And it's okay to feel angry, too. Anger is an emotion that we are often taught is “bad” or “unhealthy.” Anger is an emotion like any other. I want you to know that anger is a normal feeling. It's what we choose to do with the feeling that matters most.
My choice is sometimes (1) sit in the anger for too long (draining), (2) feel sorry for myself (pity), (3) ignore the irritability (let it spill out in crappy ways at crappy times), (4) blame others for my irritability (the blame game), (5) complain, (6) point out the negative in everything… or (7) feel the feeling, sit for bit, breathe, pause, practice patience, calm my mind, reframe, let it go.
Today, something irritating happened. What did I do? Well, I did not breathe.
I complained to RJ (aggressively via text), sat in the anger, blamed others, said a few times, “This is the end of the world. It's never going to get better. There's no solution here" (i.e. negative thinking patterns). Then I took a few breaths. I prayed. I asked God for patience. I decided to write the experience down, here. I let the irritability go.
There's no way to stop irritability. Like anxiety, it will come and go. When I feel this way, I try to show myself and others grace. I have high expectations of myself. I don't like feeling angry. I know the feeling will pass, though. All feelings do.
For now, I'll feel my feels. Try to process them well. Try not to cause too much damage. Keep moving forward. Other feelings will come. One moment at a time.