healing + hard things

“We can do hard things."

I always smile when I see this posted somewhere, and many people know me by this quote. It's a quote I've come to live by. My motto. 

I can't tell you how many friends have bought me “Hobby Lobby” type signs, you know, the “Live Laugh Love” kind, with this quote on it…"I can do hard things." It's a quote that I took as my own, and wrapped myself in like a blanket, during a really hard season of life. And it's become a sort of battle cry that I keep coming back to.

This quote came into my life nearly 7 years ago. I was in my old therapist's office. I was at “rock bottom” and had just started seeing her for therapy. It was the first time I truly understood what people talked about when they said “mental illness.” I felt incredibly ill. I couldn't work, couldn't sleep, couldn't perform. Anxiety, panic, and fear took over my entire life. I barely made it to my weekly therapy appointments. I thought I was a complete failure.

On the wall in my new therapist's office, right behind her chair and directly across from where I sat on the gray loveseat, was a gallery wall of photos and quotes. The largest one of the group was a big quote, black letters on white paper: “We can do hard things.” As I sat in her therapy office week after week, I would stare at this sign … because eye contact is the worst. Sometime, at some point during our therapy relationship, I started to believe this sign.

I remember during one session, after many months together, I asked my therapist about the quote. I remember thinking, “This quote makes sense to me. I can do hard things. I am doing hard things." My therapist shared with me that the quote came from a book by Glennon Doyle, Carry On, Warrior. I asked her to borrow the book and proceeded to consume and devour it over the next week. This quote, Glennon, and my therapist Lauren led me through the dark time.

Years later, I stood on the other side of the darkness. The anxiety was (is) still present, but the heaviness had left. For me, this quote brought about so much healing in my life and therapy process. For many years I was afraid to be alone, terrified to go into any store alone, paralyzed by fear. I would go about my day to day repeating silently, “I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.”

Over the years to come, I ran a half marathon repeating this phrase to myself the entire 13.1 miles, “I can do hard things.” I filed for divorce during my first marriage while repeating this phrase. I completed a PhD while using this phrase as my battle cry. 

I've also slowed down a lot this year, while uttering the same phrase, “I can do hard things.” Because sometimes “hard things” are big and scary, and sometimes they're small but hard.

I wanted to share this story with you to remind you, especially if you're in a dark season: You can do hard things. Your mental health is important. You are important. You are stronger than you think right now.

If you've been through the dark, and can almost/maybe see the other side, I hope that you will celebrate how you've done hard things. You deserve to be celebrated.

My friend Hannah Brencher says, “Here's to the darkness never winning.” You can do hard things.