support + partnering
Guest Writer: RJ Thaxton
Let me just start by saying, I believe one of the most challenging things we can do in life is be in a committed partner/spouse relationship. I am happily married to my wife Nicole (you probably know her if you are reading this)! We are two autonomous individuals who come from different backgrounds, have different families of origin, and different interests, hobbies, mindsets, hurts, goals, relationship pasts...to name a few.
With that said, we often hope that our partner will make us feel complete, heard, known, and understood. We can believe that when we are in a committed relationship, that we will feel secure and free. But what happens when you or your partner go through stints or seasons of anxiety or depression. What if those stints/seasons are more cyclic or reoccurring? What if you begin to notice that those seasons are having negative impacts on your relationship? Know that you are not alone, and there are things that you can do to help navigate these difficult times.
Here are a few helpful tips to help you and/or your partner navigate these times:
1. Actively pursue self-care (and encourage it to your partner). This could include exercising, meditating, therapy, getting a massage, hiking, playing a sport, having coffee with a close friend, eating a healthy meal, making sure you are getting enough rest, etc.
2. Take time to notice your emotions. Too often we neglect our own emotions and/or why we have them. Self-awareness gives us the ability to choose our responses, rather than fall victim to them and act in a way which you later regret.
3. Become comfortable with the fact that your partner has their own unique experience of life and that their anxiety or depression impacts them differently than it might you. They may respond differently than you would, but that doesn’t make that wrong.
4. Be curious about how/what their depression or anxiety feels like to them. This is a great time to practice reflective listening, and oftentimes it is very calming and reassuring.
5. Don’t try to “fix” your partner or spouse! They are not broken, they are just having a difficult season. Attunement and empathy are extremely powerful ways of connecting to your partner in these challenging seasons.
6. Lastly, if these types of seasons happen frequently or are particularly disruptive then it may be helpful to meet with a medical professional to see if a prescription intervention would be beneficial.