leadership lessons part 1
As Licensed Professional Counselors and business owners, myself and RJ bump up against leadership lessons and challenges every single day. In the past three years as business partners, people leaders, and a married couple, we’ve had to grow and reflect on the leadership lessons we are constantly learning from.
Several entrepreneurs in our own mental health and wellness space have asked us (1) how do do it, because running a small business is a very difficult job, and (2) how to you.. x, y, z. There’s no guidebook to leadership and running a healthy organization or business. We’ve read a lot of great books on leadership and entrepreneurship; however, there’s something about living, evaluating, and learning throughout your leadership journey that takes time and can’t be learned in a book.
What comes next are several leadership lessons I’ve learned this past three to six months. If you enjoy this kind of leadership content let me know, and I hope to make this a series regular on the blog.
ONE: Own your slice of the pie
American businesswoman and investor Barbara Corcoran says it best — your team doesn’t work for you, you work for your team. Being a professional counselor taught me that it’s always a good idea to look at the role that I play in any situation or relationship. In our business, we call this “take ownership.” One area where many leaders fall short is they lean into their ego, making everything about themself and every negative outcome about another person. In reality, many “leaders” (or rather, people in a leadership position) don’t own their slice of the pie or take ownership. I’ve learned that good leaders look at themselves first, lead themselves first, and take ownership for their role and actions. Leaders don’t try to control or blame others. They ask, “How am I contributing? How can I make this better? What part do I play?”
Great questions to ask as a leader in order to own your slice of the pie are:
Am I leading myself well?
Would I want to work under my leadership?
Am I a leader worth following?
TWO: Prepare for difficult conversations
This leadership lesson has not come easy. As a recovering people pleaser, past me would often avoid conflict for the sake of harmony or keeping the peace. What I’ve learned is — great leaders don’t avoid difficult conversations, they prepare for and expect them.
Over the past year, I’ve been in a leadership season of needing to have multiple difficult conversations. Most of those conversations have gone well, and I attribute this to several leadership factors involving difficult conversations. Firstly, leaders prepare for difficult conversations rather than avoid difficult conversations. Acting quickly and prioritizing difficult conversations is kind to the other person. Avoidance is never the solution. We’ll get into this on #4 with the lesson: Clarity = Kindness. Second, in preparing for difficult conversations, leaders keep their ego out of things. Leaders don’t need to be right. There’s no “winning” in communication. Having a posture of openness and curiosity during difficult conversations can often diffuse any situation, no matter how difficult. Lastly, leaders remind themself that the other person has their own version of the situation and their own identity, values, and opinions. Leaders know that the other person’s opinion is valid and should be respected. In any difficult conversation, having empathy for the other person is a good place to start. You never know what someone might be going through or how their values and identity might be playing into the conflict.
Bottom Line: Great leaders prepare for difficult conversations rather than avoid them.
THREE: Don’t take anything personally
In connection with having empathy for others, especially during difficult conversations, leaders should know not to take anything personally. At the start of my entrepreneurial career, I took everything personally. When you build a business from the ground up, it’s hard not to take ownership (in a not-so-openhanded way) and take things personally. However, there is a way to take ownership without taking things personally. Leaders recognize that things aren’t about them.
The world (and your business or team) does not revolve around you as the leader. When something bad or unfair happens, it’s rarely about you as the leader. On the flip side, when positive things happen, leaders shouldn’t allow it to puff up their ego or become a part of their identity. Don’t take anything personally.
Great leaders understand that each person is their own individual and responsible for their own choices and actions. Even the best leaders encounter difficult people and conversations all the time. Great leaders take responsibility for their actions and detach from the outcome and responsibility of everyone else’s decisions and actions. This leads to greater empathy despite how others may choose to act or behave.
FOUR: Clarity = Kindness
If you ask my team, they’ll tell you I’m an over communicator. At our end of year party in December, we gave out team paper plate awards, of which the awards were nominated by other team members. My “runner up” award was related to how many emails I send out on a monthly basis. It’s several emails! The goal for me as a leader is to communicate with clarity. Clarity = Kindness. (To grow in this area, I’ve implemented a monthly round-up email, so instead of getting 10 emails from me in a month they get (ideally) just one. #learning)
Leaders communicate clearly and with clarity. Clarity = Kindness. It’s kind to communicate clearly and provide clarity for your team or those who you lead. What isn’t kind is vagueness, unclear expectations and boundaries, or avoidance of communication altogether.
In our business, we have a thorough, clear policy manual including everything from our team commitments, to handling grievances, to our building opening procedures, to step-by-step how we handle incoming client requests with excellence. The manual isn’t thorough (i.e. long) just to bore everyone. It’s thorough and detailed because it’s clear and provides thorough clarity to our team on the expectations for our providers and team culture.
Dive in
Reflect On Your Current Leadership Habits
Prompts to help you reflect on this:
Are you content with your current leadership style, or do you feel a sense of dread, burnout, and desire for change?
Do you find yourself settling for mediocrity, for “good enough,” and have you noticed yourself avoiding difficult conversations that you know you “should” have?
Are you quick to take things personally or make them all about you? How does that make you feel?
Stuck in Comfort Zone:
If you are generally avoiding difficult conversations, not leading yourself well, and resistant to change or new challenges, you might be stuck in a leadership comfort zone.
Leaving Comfort Zone:
If you express a desire for growth, feel a bit unsatisfied or stagnant, and are open to exploring new ways of leading, you may be actively trying to leave your comfort zone.
What Can We Do About It?
Here are 5 things you can do to elevate your leadership skills and get out of your leadership comfort zone and into the growth zone:
Personal Development and Self-Reflection:
Effective leaders should prioritize ongoing learning and self-reflection. This involves staying informed about industry trends, management techniques, and leadership philosophies. Reflecting on personal strengths and weaknesses allows leaders to identify areas for improvement and grow as leaders. Leaders commit to growth.
Effective Communication:
Strong communication skills are key for leaders. This involves not only articulating ideas with clarity but also actively listening to others and not avoiding difficult conversations. Leaders who can convey their vision, goals, and expectations with clarity and who foster open and honest communication within their teams are more likely to build trust and collaboration.
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence (EQ):
Leaders who demonstrate empathy and emotional intelligence create a positive and supportive work environment. Understanding and considering the feelings and perspectives of team members fosters strong relationships. Leaders who can navigate and manage their emotions effectively are better equipped to handle challenges and make decisions that benefit both the organization and its employees.
Delegation and Empowerment:
Effective leaders understand the importance of delegation and empowering their team members. Trusting others with responsibilities not only relieves the leader's workload but also allows team members to develop their skills and take ownership of their work. Empowered employees are more engaged, motivated, and likely to contribute creatively to the organization's success. Leaders get out of the way.
Vision Casting:
Leaders should have a clear and compelling vision for the future. This vision serves as a guide for decision-making and inspires the team to work towards common goals. Strong leaders cast a strong vision for themselves thereby leading themselves first.
Final Thoughts
I know leadership can be a challenging growth area for many — especially if you never envisioned yourself in a leadership role. Or maybe you envision yourself as a leader and aren’t currently in a position of leadership but want to be. Either way, by focusing on your own leadership journey, you’ve taken a step outside of your leadership comfort zone.
Personal and professional growth are a journey. Take it step by step. By consistently reviewing your lessons learned, you create space for reflection, development, and growth. As you navigate this journey, celebrate your victories along the way — perhaps you had a difficult conversation that you would’ve previously avoided or you didn’t take something personally that would’ve derailed you before. Don’t shy away from leadership challenges! You’re in this position for a reason, leader.
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Read me if you want personal development books to dive into
002. Read me if you need to delegate some things but don’t know how to start
003. Read me when your inner mean girl is loud
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Although I’m a mental health professional, no content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies or treatment recommendations.
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