abuse support

In case you don't know, October 1st begins Domestic Violence Awareness (DVA) Month. A very important month to me personally. And one of you wrote to me, “[Can you share] how to move forward with a relationship with an abuser. They are family. The rest of my family acts as if nothing happened because the abuser has a lot of money.”

First, to you who wrote this to me, I want to send you all the love that I possibly can this morning. Second, I want to share that abuse is so messy and complicated and confusing, and it's never okay. I know you know this. I know you do.

Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 and 9 men in the U.S. will experience abuse by an intimate partner in their lifetime? Did you know that I am 1 in 4? I am with you.

In light of DVA Month, here are a few personal and relationship strategies for anxiety and trauma related to abuse. Each of these were lifelines for me at one point in my life. Take what you need:

1. Understand the trauma related impacts of abuse.

   1. Abuse can lead to: Trouble sleeping, Panic attacks and anxiety, Substance use, Eating disorders, Flashbacks of violence, Feelings of self-hate and low self-esteem, Fearing people and relationships, Suicidal thoughts

   2. If you are experiencing these symptoms, consult a mental healthcare professional for support.

2. Understand that healing is a process.

   1. Healing is different for everyone, but requires intention to release past traumas and recover.

   2. You may need to be selfish with taking care of you. You may want to serve others. You may want to find new hobbies. I encourage you to focus on your needs.

3. Understand that affirmations are powerful.

   1. Repeat, “I am loved. I am deserving of love. I am safe.”

4. Understand that movement and creativity can help create new meaning.

   1. Breath work, yoga, exercise, etc. can help with physical, emotional, and spiritual healing in a powerful way.

   2. Expressing creativity can help to process trauma and abuse.

5. Understand that your boundaries and needs are what matter most.

   1. It's okay to set boundaries in any relationship. Period. I give you permission.

6. Understand that you have support.

   1. One of my favorite books on this topic of emotional and verbal abuse is The Emotionally Destructive Relationship by Leslie Vernick. I met Leslie at a conference in 2016 and told her how much her books had helped me.

   2. A second book on trauma, abuse, and healing is How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera

Although the healing journey is rarely short or easy, it's always worth the effort. If you are in need of support, you can Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll free at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or chat live online at www.thehotline.org.

Sending you love throughout DVA Month!